Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
by slashhack
Summary: Being a Plagiaristically Titled Omake to "We Can Be Heroes," Romantically Concerning Hatake Kakashi and Umino Iruka, Inspired by the Explosive Holiday of American Independence and its Variegated Volatile Incendiaries Subtitle courtesy of Might Guy


This will make more sense if you've read my Kakairu Fest submission, "We Can Be Heroes." It can currently be found on LiveJournal, it is being renovated for posting here. It is not imperative, but things will make more sense.

For those who do not wish to read ten thousand words of silliness, the necessary points are as follows:

*Iruka moonlights as a costumed superhero in a neighboring town, Seijou

*Kakashi is in the early stages of a relationship with him

*Guy is insane

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**Kiss Kiss Bang Bang**

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_Being a Plagiaristically Titled Omake to "We Can Be Heroes," Inspired by the Explosive Holiday of American Independence and its Variegated Volatile Incendiaries_

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(Subtitle courtesy of Might Guy)

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Guy made a face. Then he made a different face, although this one was no less exasperated than the first had been. By the time he made it to number three Kakashi had had enough, and was on the verge of teleporting _somewhere._ Unfortunately Guy's long acquaintance with the peevish masked man had given him a supernatural ability to detect the limits of his friend's patience, and he grabbed Kakashi's wrist just before he could form the final seal.

"You mean to tell me…" dramatic pause, "that there were No Fireworks? There Were NO FIREWORKS? This is a Travesty, an insult to your Hip and Modern Appeal!" Kakashi sighed, bitterly. He'd apparently offended Guy's fine-tuned sense of romance. Why he'd made the admittedly ill-advised decision to talk to Guy about his feelings was beyond him. Well, no, it wasn't- Guy was his best friend. You were supposed to be able to discuss these things with your best friend. Or… oh, no, was that only for girls? He wasn't a girl! And thank the gods, neither was Guy, he would make one UGLY ASS GIRL and even the ridiculously pleased face he was making right now wouldn't help…

Oh no. Oh, this was bad. Guy was making an incredibly suspicious face, and Kakashi'd been so busy ignoring him that he'd totally missed what he was saying, which, of course, was the point, but… No, Kakashi! Focus!

"It's a Perfect Plan! And since you seem to have No Valid Objections, I can see no reason not to Put It Into Effect Immediately!" With that, Guy bounded up over the window ledge and into the night, leaving a shell-shocked Kakashi sitting in blank terror in his own living room.

Well, he thought, it is a good thing Guy is a friend, not an enemy. Usually.

o.o.o.o

Two weeks later Kakashi'd nearly forgotten his ominous encounter (they were rather frequent, with Guy, and one got used to them after a while.) He landed lightly on the rooftop next to Iruka, unable to completely stifle the smile the ridiculous costume still provoked. The Chuunin glanced up, smiling, and returned his gaze to the happy civilian town below.

"Anything exciting happening?"

"Mm, not really. There seems to be some sort of festival going on, which you'd think would mean some kind of scuffle or pick-pocketing, or something, but so far it's been really quiet. Well, not _quiet_, per se…"

They both gazed down into the milling crowds below- people in bright colours, laughing children, masks and food stands. Everyone seemed to be having a good time. Kakashi grunted. "Festival, huh? Wondered what could have possibly dragged you out here on a school night." Iruka's mouth twisted down on one corner, and he shook his head.

"I really thought they'd send someone else, but Guy asked me personally to do rounds tonight. He said it might be fun."

That sounded… suspicious. An alarm went off in Kakashi's subconscious, and it didn't take long for it to register. Guy. Guy'd stopped by earlier on the premise of offering dinner, and had ever-so-casually mentioned that Iruka would be pulling an extra shift in Seijou City tonight. And there was some reason that his was a cause for concern…

Their conversation (or rather, Guy's lecture) slammed back into his head at the same time as a small ball of paper. It would have been far more alarming if he hadn't also just noticed an exceedingly familiar chakra signature. He rolled his eyes as he bent to retrieve the paper- sometimes it was easier to just play along with his eccentric rival. It was, as suspected, a note. He uncurled it slowly so that Iruka wouldn't hear. The Chuunin was still focused on the milling crowd, looking slightly dreamy. Looked like Iruka loved festivals. Cute.

"My Esteemed and Beloved Rival," the note proclaimed. "I am Very Pleased to be of Service both to Yourself and your Worthy Sweetheart." _Ugh. _"You have until the Tenth Toll of the Grand Bell in the Clock Tower to Engage your Love in Osculation." _What. What did that word even mean? _"Whereupon I shall have Fulfilled my Duty to the Appropriate Execution of Amorous Acts."

Kakashi rolled his eyes again. He'd really just wanted a peaceful night with Iruka, and was in no mood for Guy's bizarre theatrics. He moved to crumple the note again and toss it away when the bell rang out for the first time.

The crowd below went into a riot of cheers and whistles, fathers hoisting small children onto their shoulders, lovers holding hands, bored looking teenagers looking suddenly excited. Iruka perked up, turned to Kakashi. The bell continued to ring. "Kakashi? I think something interesting is about to happen." Kakashi was busy looking again at the rumpled note. In a small postscript, Guy's added a plainly written sentence: "Kiss Iruka on the tenth toll of the bell- Trust Me."

So he did. The younger man looked momentarily surprised, but returned the kiss happily. As the tenth toll rung out over Seijou the sky lit up. _Ah, it made sense now_. Kakashi smiled against Iruka's lips, locked his arms around the other man, and looked up. Iruka followed suit.

Fireworks.

Sometimes having the most over-dramatic psychopath in the universe as a best friend wasn't so bad. Kakashi was even willing to overlook the fact that he could still sense Guy's chakra lurking nearby. For the moment, anyway.

o.o.o.o

Guy, weeping Tears of Manly Joy, congratulated himself on a job well done. He felt it was a real shame his only available audience was otherwise engaged. Nice Guy Pose 6 was even more glorious than usual when backed by legitimate explosions.

o.o.o.o

Fin!


End file.
